🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker entered a community college to use the facilities during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|