Look Past All the Artisanal Fromage: France's Potato Chips Represent Utterly Depraved.
I recently found myself in France, a place that seemed displaying impeccable manners. Discreet, sparkling decorations, outdoor market stands piled high with beautifully vibrant fruit and vegetables, and such an abundance of fromage capable of clogging every mile of the Chunnel with cholesterol. Heaping dishes of shimmering crustaceans atop ice beds visible behind misty restaurant glass. While observing a extended but civil line of elegant residents retrieving their artisanal *Bûche de Noël*, I thought, disloyally, that my place of origin, York, which becomes a contemporary interpretation of Hogarth’s Gin Lane at this time of year with vape pens in festive pie flavours and ready-to-drink concoctions, could learn some pointers.
The Sophisticated Front
But all this “art de vivre” affectation is merely a refined front – France succumbs just as easily to its lowest desires like any other place. Just go into any grocery store and you’ll see. The crisp aisle constitutes a temple of indulgence, lined with flavours including blue cheese, chickpea fritter, beer-braised beef and salted butter tastes. Who in their right mind tries butter crisps? It’s like something from the notorious midway festivals where they fry solid butter in batter. An entertainer recently claimed they’re the best crisps in her experience, but she’s obviously succumbed to some kind of regional conditioning – her formative years were in *Bretagne*.
A Global Lawlessness
One must acknowledge the crisp flavouring industry worldwide is as lawless and unregulated as big tech. No one will let potato be potato, adorned only rightly by a simple, respectful sprinkle of sodium. The UK boasts a dubious legacy when it comes to snack tastes in the UK, notably around Christmas. Recently, after all, bestowed upon us festive-spiced tortilla chips and special-release pastry-and-meat potato snacks. And who could forget the occasion when a famous high-street chain thought “sparkling wine and seasonal fruit” made for a good idea for a savoury snack? I expected more of the land of Escoffier.
Where does it end? Goose liver potato chips? Cream puff crisps? Gauloises? It's best I halt, before I accidentally suggest the next big thing.
